I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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