Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
