i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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