the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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