If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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