so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
