I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
