Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
