I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
