Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize