I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
