we're chasing vodka with high fives
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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