im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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