whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
