I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
