dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
