We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
