yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
