There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
