She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
