just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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