I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
His nipple licking is glorious
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