Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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