Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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