I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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