You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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