i wish peter jackson would direct porn
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
