and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
