that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
