I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
