had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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