some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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