I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
