she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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