oh god the rape fog is back!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
