i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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