Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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