he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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