Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
