I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
