He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
