Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
