She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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