Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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