I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
