The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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