and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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