Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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