Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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