You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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