If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
