so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
