Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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