This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
