Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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