what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
