my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
