I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
