opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My feet surprised me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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