yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
