Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
