Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
