you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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