I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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